the dancers

The floors are slippery with blood:
The world gyrates too. God is good
That while His wind blows out the light
For those who hourly die for is –
We still can dance each night.

The music has grown numb with death –
But we will suck their dying breath,
The whispered name they breathed to chance,
To swell our music, make it loud
That we may dance, – may dance.

We are the dull blind carrion-fly
That dance and batten. Though God die
Mad from the horror of the light –
The light is mad, too, flecked with blood, –
We dance, we dance, each night.

The Dancers (During a Great Battle, 1916) – Edith Sitwell

chest pieces

I woke up a couple of nights ago with this thought:

What if every sternum was a door that you could swing out to reveal the six precise memories that have had the most formative influence on a person? What if you could reach your hands inside and take them out, one by one, and roll them between your fingers?I imagine that these six memories would be concentrated, like juice, to resemble something like chess pieces that you can roll around in the palm of your hand. Imagine if you could handle the chest-pieces of another person to discover who they were, rather than trying to negotiate the said/unsaid of language (and our heinous ability to understand our own selves and then communicate that understanding).

Every time I get the train now I stare around the carriage and try and guess what each commuter’s chest-pieces would be. Would one chest-piece for the bikie be his first tattoo? Or would one for the woman in the three-piece business suit, who is incredibly small and slender, be the moment she realised she could never be a professional ballerina?

Only this morning I was struck by another question: what if these six pieces were lined up before you the moment that you died?

If I was to die today I would have sitting before me

  1. the moment I knew that I had played something perfectly on my cello, which felt like molding water in mid-air.
  2. floating weightless in the ocean and holding onto the boy that I loved, whose eyes were the same colour as the sea.
  3. the last time I saw my grandpa, my idol, who was dying in a hospice.

I’m not sure what my other chest-pieces would be. And, of course, my current chest-pieces may be replaced, in time, with other formative experiences.

This idea is going to need some stretching.

lie still

Lie still as I unstitch your fine shirt-skin

and let it fall at our feet.

Still, as I unlock your chest

and seek from amongst your ribs

the memories that have puzzled you together.

Still, as I roll them between my fingers

and smooth their roughness with my sweat.

 

This glass-unreality will shatter

so let us lie still, quiet.

Do not breathe: it will end like a switch-flick.

We will be plunged back

into this borrowed light.

Lie still in our glass-house,

in which I hide your body in the hollow of my neck

as you echo into me.

 

Lie still or these gentle cords will bind us

barb-rope tight.

Bind us like a flesh-and-blood rock,

punctured by cries and sea-wave tremors.

 

©LS 2012

Wren again

I’m currently drunkenly balancing a Cornetto in my mouth as I finger-type. I’ve just walked home from a two-bottles-of-wine Nepalese dinner with Joy Division in my ears. I somehow found myself staring through a real estate window on Cleveland St at a fish tank with nine giant orange-and-silver carp floating around, chasing each other’s tales. The tank must have consumed a third of the space – all I could think of was the realtor sitting in his big black swivel-chair, alone in his glass-fronted office, naming his nine fish.

I’ve realised star-jasmine smells like the taste of custard.

My Cornetto is melting out of my mouth.

Previous to the Joy of Division I had Arcade Fire rambling as I rambled past the ‘natural meadow’ that is being cultivated in Prince Alfred Park. Often I feel like Arcade Fire is a gold hand that dips inside your chest and lifts you up by the sternum, just an inch off the ground. I locked eyes with a Chinese woman who was power-walking very slowly and by swivel-pointing to watch her disappear into the park-blackness I was caught by the cut-out moon. It was almost perverse how low it sat in the sky, how within reach and yellow-bright it hung.

I saw Wren today. If you go back to the beginning of this blog you will meet Wren, who was this stunning blue-jay of a girl who loudly declared to our Lit Theory class that she might stray off topic because she had been responsible for her organising her father’s funeral earlier in the semester.

She spoke of her inability to keep this event to herself, how the word-vomit would escape her with every new face she met.

And I saw her again, today, sitting alone at Michel’s Patisserie in Broadway.

This theory is un-investigated but I’m pretty sure that you will puncture a hot-bed of humanity at any one of these whipped-cream-pastry outlets.

This is also un-investigated but I think this might be particularly true of the Patisserie located on the ground floor of Broadway Shopping Centre. It has a small cafe area attached where there are grouped, like a small cattle-herd, a dozen or so tables and two large brown plastic-hard sofas.

It’s like a greater being shook a Boggle-set of human variation and let it fall into this space.

There’s the old lady whose skin seems to be trying to loosen itself from her jaw. She only wears silver.

There’s the old man who smells like neglect – I think he’s OK, though, because he has a shiny-bright Sheriff’s badge always pinned to his leather vest.

There’s the young Chinese woman who breastfeeds her baby whilst her mother holds up a jumper to screen her with one hand and eats chocolate cake with the other.

And, today, there was Wren. And she looked sad.

Any human face is a claim on you because you can’t help but understand the singularity of it, the courage and the loneliness of it.” (Gilead, Marilynne Robinson)